“If someone throws you the ball, you don’t have to catch it”
Such wise words from Richard Carlson. In today’s blog I’m sharing his concept from the book “Don’t sweat about the small stuff”. I first read about it years ago and it’s stayed with me ever since. Now in the middle of an on-going pandemic, his words resonate more than ever..
Often our inner struggles come from our tendency to jump on board someone else’s problem; someone throws you a concern and you assume you must catch it, and respond. For example, suppose you are really busy and a friend calls in a frantic tone and says “My job / mother / cat is driving me crazy. What should I do?”
Rather than saying, “I’m really sorry I don’t know what to suggest,” you automatically catch the ball and try to solve the problem.
Then later, you feel stressed or resentful that you are behind schedule and that everyone seems to be making demands on you. It’s easy to lose sight of your willing participation in the dramas of your own life. Does this sound familiar..?
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” Brené Brown
It’s okay to say No..
Repeat that out loud!!
As Richard Carson says “Remembering you don’t have to catch the ball is a very effective way to reduce the stress in your life. When your friend calls, you can drop the ball, meaning you don’t have to participate simply because he or she is attempting to lure you in.
If you don’t take the bait, the person will probably call someone else to see if they will become involved. This doesn’t mean you never catch the ball, only that it is your choice to do so. Neither does this mean that you don’t care about your friend, or that you’re unkind or unhelpful.”
Developing a more tranquil outlook in life requires that we know our own limits and that we take responsibility for our part in the process.
Most of us get balls thrown at us many times each day – at work, from our children, friends, neighbours, salespeople, even strangers. Even those emails and notifications on our phone are balls!
If I caught all the balls thrown in my direction, I would certainly go crazy – and I suspect you would too!
“Will this matter a year from now?”
Ok, so I really didn’t think almost a year on from starting a National Lockdown due to the pandemic, we’d be still working from home and adjusting to a different way of living.. It’s still a very relevant question…
I remember when we were planning our wedding, the vicar told us just a couple of weeks before the big day that she’d double booked us! The invitations had gone out, everything was booked and she said “hmmm let me just check that date again!” and true enough her diary indicated that she was due to marry two couples on the same day at the very same time. More about what happened later….
Humour definitely helps doesn’t it!!
This is much for preferable place to catch a ball!
The key is to know when we’re catching another ball so that we won’t feel victimised, resentful or overwhelmed. Even something terribly simple like answering your phone when you’re really too busy to talk is a form of catching a ball. By answering the phone, you are willingly taking part in an interaction that you may not have the time, energy or mind-set for at the present time. By simply not answering the phone, you are taking responsibility for your own peace of mind.
The same idea applies to being insulted or criticised. When someone throws an idea or comment in your direction, you can catch it and feel hurt, or you can drop it and go on with your day. Not always easy, admittedly, however the idea of “not catching the ball” simply because it’s thrown to you is a powerful tool to explore. I hope you’ll experiment with this one. You may find that you catch the ball a lot more than you think”
Vulnerability is not about winning or losing. It’s having the courage to show up even when you can’t control the outcome.
Brene Brown.
As Brene Brown says, it’s okay to be vulnerable and have the courage to say “no’ You don’t always have to catch the ball…
Very quickly, just to let you know the outcome of our wedding.. to cut a very long story short – the other couple wouldn’t budge on time so we rearranged everything for a little later in the day. The funny thing is now we struggle to remember the exact time we got married, but we can certainly remember the funny side (now!) and that we are still very happy almost 19 years on. I still have visions from the stories told of the Best Man and Ushers running into the church with the flowers as the former bridal party left in their cars!
When we asked ourselves “will this matter in a year…?” We found although it was all a little stressful for a while, it really didn’t!
“It’s outstanding how much ones stress level goes down with the simple switching of skinny jeans to yoga pants”
Unknown
Have you counted how many balls you have caught this week? I know I have caught a few!
Please use this afternoon and the week ahead to look after you and drop a few balls! Let me know how it goes…
Today, I am going ask you to set a reminder to yourself to take one positive action a day and give yourself permission to check in on yourself each day – take just a few moments maybe whilst the kettle is boiling or whilst you clean your teeth…
There’s no doubt these last few months have been very strange, stressful, heartbreaking, unsettling and so much more.. I was delighted to have been asked by Nicky at InsideOut recently to share some thoughts about bringing a little positivity your way as part of her blog series, and so I thought I would share them with you too.
Firstly, how are you? Really?
We ask this question all the time but do we listen, truly and wholeheartedly to the answer? Both when we ask ourselves and when we ask others?
Do you ask yourself how you are and have regular checkins with yourself?
Charlie Mackesy has captured the nations hearts during the Pandemic, putting into words and images what many of us have felt..
I can almost hear you say, “I barely have time to catch my breath, let alone ask myself how I am and act on it!” It’s only natural to feel overwhelm, anxiety and utter distress, when we are faced with difficult situations; illness, job loss, financial difficulties – it’s exhausting, becomes your every thought and it’s possible to feel like you’re going to be stuck feeling like this forever..
What you are feeling, it WILL get better.
With some self nurturing and support from others, we can gradually change our thought patterns and in turn, slowly but surely, start to feel a little better..
“Believe there is a great power silently working all things for good, behave yourself and never mind the rest.”
Beatrix Potter
How can we start to shift that mindset? Lockdown, working from home, home schooling (or emergency schooling as I heard someone call it last week!) isn’t easy – we all know that – it’s busy! So I’m going to suggest focusing on achieving just ONE positive action a day.. just one.
Why?
By doing this, in turn, you’ll feel brighter, have more energy, sleep better and more importantly, feel better about yourself and the situation we are all in.. I’m not promising that by tomorrow morning, you’ll feel on top of the world, but day by day, step by step, small but intentional, positive actions will shift those patterns of thinking and overwhelm.
When you’re thinking about which positive actions to do, break it down into little areas and ask;
What one positive action can I take for my health today?
What one positive action can I take for my family, partner, children, work colleague or neighbour today?
What one positive action can I do for my garden today?
What one positive action can I do for my home today?
What one positive action can do I for ME today?
Mark Twain that said, “Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.
Mark Twain
Some ideas:
Put on your favourite track and turn it up loud! Sounds crazy I know, but music, can lift the mood and make us feel uplifted.
Plant some bulbs in a pot and enjoy watching them grow on your window sill. My snowdrops started peaking through a week or so ago and it really does make me feel that spring and lighter, warmer days are on the horizon.
Find a new walk where you live that you haven’t done before and commit to doing it at least once a week, rain or shine.
Do you have a room in your house that needs attention and despite Lockdown, you close the door and put off doing anything about it? (or is that just me!) Why not try a #powerofanhour or half an hour and get started? It’s not always fun to start, but often getting started is the hardest right? Read more about how beneficial the #powerofanhour is here.
When our bodies are stressed, the last thing it needs sometimes is additional stress, yet exercise can really help those feel good endorphins rise and that “YES! I did it!” factor of a workout (afterwards!) is great.. However, it’s not all about getting a “sweat on”, yoga, pilates or simply stretching for 10 minutes can also have great benefits too.
Journal – there are days that are fabulous and there are days that aren’t so, but try documenting down three things each day that you are grateful for. No matter how bad things are, there will always be something within your day that you can be grateful for (I don’t mean that patronisingly at all) Trust me I’ve had some pretty low days in my time and sometimes it’s only too easy to get stuck in a rut of negativity. Try this for a week, you’ll shift your state of mind and refocus your purpose.
There are hundreds of apps out there that can help you too including Headspace, Mind Detox and Gaia are all favourites of mine.
“Your now is not your forever”
I love this quote, its a reminder that the rubbish times and also the good times won’t last forever and that the way you are feeling right now shall also pass too.
I really hope these tips for bringing a little positivity to the situation we find ourselves in help you.
I’ve created some planners which I find really useful in keeping me focused and organised which you can find right here.
I hope they will give you a little inspiration so that you can create a feeling of being more in control and less overwhelmed so that you can concentrate on the things that are most important to you. I’d love to know which one is your favourite and which ones you’ll be trying out.
Feel free to share in the comments your thoughts and also what has helped you during the last 12 months.
Let me introduce you to a tool that really helps me (and many of my clients) – the Power of an Hour. A tool that’s so simple but really helpful to just get started and maker some headway with that tasked or tasks.
I wonder, have you ever found that when you have a mountain of things to do, you just don’t know where to start..?
Perhaps you have just ONE thing to do and that task seems so totally overwhelming, so big (maybe even bigger) as you’ve over thought it!
What happens?
We procrastinate, put it off, scroll through our phones.. Maybe do everything we shouldn’t be doing just to put that task off a little more!
Does this sound familiar?
Here’s what to do:
Decide on your Mission, what it is that you want to achieve..
Turn off your notifications and put your phone down.
Set your timer for one hour.
Get to work!
Why does it work?
By simply putting some urgency around your Mission, knowing that you have just one hour to make progress, you’ll find you’ll achieve so much – especially without any distractions! It’s amazing how quickly and easily we can be distracted!
“The Power of an Hour is such a help to me as I can’t physically do as much as I used to do. The Power Hour is such a string and positive name, it doesn’t make you feel feeble that you can only manage an hour!! Thanks for sharing, it’s been life changing for my husband and I”
Alice
What if you don’t have a whole hour?
Sometimes we don’t have have an entire hour to dedicate to a Mission, that’s OK. Often it’s simply the getting started that we struggle with. If you only have 20 minutes or half an hour, that’s fine too.
Remember your Power of an Hour doesn’t have to be all about getting stuff done and ticking things off a list. It can be for whatever you want it to be…
Self care and a happy mental health is far more important than an empty email box or a completed “to do” list.
Here are some ideas:
Have a long soak in the bath with a good book..
Call a friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with ..
Get outside and enjoy the fresh air.
Whatever you decide to do with your Power of an Hour:
Do it with intention
Without scrolling through your phone
Without interruption..
This is YOUR time!
What do you think?
The Power of an Hour is a great way to inject intention into your day or evening. I’ve shared free daily planner (and more) in the Organisation tools. It really helps keep me focused and find it invaluable for my Power of an Hour.
What will you do with your next Power of an Hour?
I’d love to know, join in the conversation on my Instagram, Facebook or comment below.
Feel free to tag me into your #powerofanhour and use this hashtag! I’d love to know how you find using this simple tool and what an effect it has on your daily life and routine.
In a world where it seems like every continent is in a Hollywood movie, we need to stick together, really stick together.. Many of us have intermittent feelings of being overwhelmed with the situation we find ourselves in..
We were told over a month ago that this virus will effect us all in one way or another, more than we’d realise – it’s tough. Now we are in lockdown and these feelings of being overwhelmed are very real, it causes fear, panic, sleepless nights – regardless of how we try to feel calm and in control. It stops us in our tracks, it messes with our minds & clarity of thinking, but what can we do about it?
MY TOP TIPS TO GET YOU FEELING A BIT HAPPIER AND LESS OVERWHELMED:
SHARE HOW YOU ARE FEELING.
Be open about it, try not to bottle it up. They say it’s good to talk and it really is. Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s OK to have a good cry or feel a bit rubbish sometimes, it’s how you deal with it that counts. Talk to loved ones and good friends, it’s OK to be vulnerable and share how you are feeling.
HAVE A POWER HOUR
I’m a big one for lists and am rather old fashioned so recommend grabbing a piece of paper and writing down every little thing you are worried about – everything… no matter how big or small. Make it exhaustive. Keep going until you can’t write any more. Trust me, you’ll feel so much better for getting it out of your head and on paper.
OK, now I’m going to invite you to have one of my ‘Power Hours’ – grab a cuppa, turn off all distractions and notifications and set your timer for ONE hour. Take a look at your scribbled list – some of the things you may have written down you won’t be able to do anything about – we are in a world of the unknown. However, there will be things that you CAN do something about. What are they? How can you action them?
Taking a small amount of control about what you CAN do something about is really powerful. By taking back a teeny bit of control, that huge overwhelm, I hope will diminish, even if just a little. This is a great task to do with your children also, get them talking about how they are feeling or even enjoying about being at home.
COFFEE AND CANDLE CHATS
Meeting up with friends isn’t always easy so we arrange a time to catch up on the phone – which for me has become known as a coffee and candle chat. Having an arranged time to call, much like you would with an actual coffee or lunch date, I make sure I have a fresh coffee and light my favourite candle in my study at home. It might sound a bit silly but it’s one of my favourite things to do. Now with the new guidelines around Coronavirus, my candle and coffee chats have been more valuable than ever. (Although I’m considering switching coffee for wine, obviously depending on the time of day!)
We are social beings and we are living in the most surreal of times. Connection is more important than ever. I’d love you to have your own candle and coffee chats and encourage you to organise a FaceTime chat for your children and their friends, write it into your home schooling timetable, maybe a different friend each day perhaps? I know we moan about screen time but if we are feeling a little lost, our children will be too.
HAPPY POST
We all know how fabulous it is to receive some happy post… I love writing, always have, I also have quite a passion for planners and stationary. Anyone else buy lots of cards they love, just in case? Yup that’s me, I have a box of cards ready to go…!
I’d love you to join me in sending a card or a letter to someone – a relative, friends, whoever you think it would make smile to have a lovely envelope come through the door. In fact please don’t limit it to just one! We used to write to each other when we were little before the age of technology – yes I’m old! Happy post is always a good idea, even if you can’t be sure it will get there. The Royal Mail are now able to sell stamps online so you won’t need a trip to the post office for stamps.
THE LITTLE THINGS
It’s the little things that take up the most head space. Well sometimes! Dedicate some time to sorting out the little things, the ones that every day you think “I must sort that out”. Imagine that squeaky door that no longer squeaks.. The tap that no longer drips… That kitchen drawer that you don’t have to battle with each time you open it – (we all have a drawer like that don’t we?).
It sounds silly but spending a few moments checking around the home OR maybe in the car, your desk at work – wherever it maybe. This week, take a look at the little niggly jobs that would make life lighter.
I promise, when they have been addressed & fixed, you’ll smile!
During half term, along with my linen cupboard project, I had a real spring clean in my study and yes those kitchen drawers! I even spring cleaned my Pinterest boards & changed the screen protector on my phone that had a crack on it in a silly place! Spark Joy? Oh yes!
BOOST YOUR VITAMIN D
We’ve been blessed with sunshine and have really enjoyed the first signs of spring. We all know that vitamin D is essential for maintenance of teeth and bone health, but did you know that if your vitamin D levels are low, you can feel blue. A way to boost your vitamin D and your immune system, is to get outside when you can. Get outside in the fresh air… regardless of the weather and I promise you will feel better for it. Honest, even if it’s a quick trip around the block or to the post box on your daily walk with those cards!
POSITIVITY JAR
I’d love you to look forward and think about what you are looking forward to doing again when all this is over. When my daughter was revising for her GCSE’s just a few weeks ago, we had a jar that she would put a note in suggesting something she’d like to do, just her and I, after when the exams are over. She’d add this note on a day she felt overwhelmed or bogged down with the studies, we flipped it to a positive by thinking of something fun we could do, having a chat about it and then adding the idea to the jar. We’ve now turned this into a post Covid19 jar – the things we as a family would like to do when we are through this;
Meeting and hugging our friends & family again, maybe we will even have a street party!
Having a BBQ on our glorious Devon beaches
Walking on Dartmoor
Long coastal walk for a pub lunch
Visit to our favourite hotel in Cornwall as our visit last month was cancelled
These are just a few things we’re looking forward to doing. This is a really simple but fun idea. Why not get the whole family involved and see what you can come up with?
A FEW MORE IDEAS…
BBC Sounds has a fantastic array of audible books and podcasts which are free to download, suitable for children and adults alike.
Challenge a family member or friends to a game of online chess – my son currently has a championship going on with his grandfather and cousin.. it’s fantastic for all involved!
Stick on a top tune and dance around the kitchen – this is my current playlist which is keeping us moving!
Look through a photo album of a fun summer holidays or even plan one!
Exercise and release those feel-good endorphins!
I really hope these tips for bringing a little positivity to the situation we find ourselves in help you.
Daily Planner Weekly Planner
I’ve created some planners which I find really useful in keeping me focused and organised which you can find here. I hope these will give you a little inspiration so that you can create a feeling of being more in control and less overwhelmed so that you can concentrate on the things that are most important to you.
I’d love to know which one is your favourite and which ones you’ll be trying out.
What makes you feel less blue? I’d love to hear from you.
Thank you for joining me! Grab a comfy seat and read on to find out more.
It’s with huge excitement that I am launching my blog, having taken some time away from the keyboard and writing last year..
In truth I missed it which is why I continued to share my musings on Instagram. However thanks to some wonderful friends, I have been encouraged to get back to what I love. That’s sharing information that I hope will inspire and help you to tackle your every day lifestyle and wellbeing missions.
I’m Claire!
Wearer of many hats, the biggest one is as a full-time mum. I live in a beautiful village in the South Hams, Devon with my husband, our two teenagers and our cat Fred. I feel young at heart, mostly! Life is hectic but I love it. Trust me, I really know how tricky it is juggling everything!
I love seeing my friends and family happy, being by the sea, interiors, candles, white flowers, a good Sauvignon (& more recently Gin!) and warm, sunny days.
I don’t love people who are unkind.
Where will you find me?
You’ll usually find me hiking along the Devon Lanes, especially as the sun is coming up. I love being outside and feeling fit. A particular love is hiking along the South West Coast Path.
In addition to being mum’s taxi and cheering my teens along poolside or at the edge of a rugby pitch.
Failing that, I can usually be found at the gym, at my desk, pottering in the garden or decorating!!
Women On A Mission was born as part of my VIP lifestyle, wellbeing and coaching business several years ago. I believe we are all on own own little Missions and we each have our missions each day, me included.
Whether it be to be the best parent, partner, friend, to be the best version of ourselves in work and at home. Your Mission might be to leave the house on time or taking on a big renovation project. Whatever the Mission, big or small, in order to do so well, we must look ourselves to the best of our ability.
(There is a reason the airlines suggest we put on our masks first before helping others in case of an emergency!)
I’m now working freelance. I still love writing and if you follow me on Instagram and Pinterest, you’ll know I still love sharing my mini Missions and Power Hours.
They are small but very effective and I believe, make a big difference. One mission a week, leads to 52 missions year. 52 ways to bring positive and motivating habits to our lives, to help us live the best life we can.
Whatever your Mission in life, work, home and garden, it’s good to know there’s someone out there to support you. Our house is our home, our castle, the place we feel safe and special and as we spend our downtime there, let’s focus on how to feel amazing there too.
I live my life one Mission at a time, hence the name but my passion is to share my nuggets with as many people as I can and so will be sharing with you my musings on all things lifestyle, wellness, nutrition and fitness with a little interiors and gardening thrown in!
The F Words..
You’ll hear me talk about my favourite F’s words along with Fun, Food, Fitness, Faith (self belief) Friendship, Family, Finance and Focus… there are lots of F’s within my Woman on a Mission programme which I still use today (with a few f**k it moments along the way from time to time!) We all have them right?!
This is a place where I hope to help and guide you to a work and life balance where you have boundaries around the things that are important to you.
I’ll be helping you so that you are in control of the things you desire, creating a guilt free lifestyle but more than anything, I hope this blog will make you feel looked after, inspired and accomplished!
I’m so very pleased to welcome you to the Woman on A Mission Blog. I do hope that you’ll join me regularly and invite your friends. It’s the beginning of a whole new chapter.
Put on your favourite track and turn it up loud! Sounds crazy I know, but music, can lift the mood and make us feel uplifted.
