I’m not sure how it is in your house, but our Dining Room has become a real focal point each evening. It’s when we all gather and sit down to enjoy a family meal, we chat about the day, the good, the bad and everything in-between!
It might sound very Waltons Family (google that if you’re a little stuck, I’m showing my age!) Like breakfast times, supper time can be a stressful part of the day.. Lockdown has made us focus more on looking forward to this part of the day.
In normal life, we don’t normally all get to eat together much of the time. Having two teenage swimmers in the family means that we are usually driving to and from training and food is eaten en-route! Oh the glamour! Chilly Food Tubs have been my lifesaver during the swim runs!!
“Some of the most important conversations I’ve ever had, have occurred at my family’s dinner table.”
Bob Ehrlich.
I love to cook during the day when I’m taking a break from the desk or when the children are having their lunch break from home schooling – it makes such a difference! “Cook Now, Eat later” a motto I’ve taken on wholeheartedly from Mary Berry.
There is now no crazy supper time as I’ve cooked ahead and simply reheated or defrosted from the freezer.. What a difference it makes! I thought I’d share a few of the favourites we’ve been enjoying of the last few weeks.
Thai Pork Curry.
This is my sons current favourite, adapted from a Mary Berry recipe. I’ve added red pepper and switched in button mushrooms from chestnut mushrooms and added French fine beans.
Ingredients: 700g pork fillet, cut into fine strips 2-3 tablespoons red Thai curry paste 2 tbs oil 2 large onions thinly diced. 1 tablespoon plain flour 1 x 400ml can coconut milk 2 tabs fish sauce 200g chopped mushrooms 200g fresh fine beans 1 red pepper cut into strips juice and finely grated zest of 1/2 lime chopped fresh parsley or coriander salt and freshly ground black pepper
Method:
? Marinate the pork in 1 tbs of the curry paste for 30 mins.
? Heat the oil in a large pan, add the onions and cook gently for approx 10 minutes until they are tender. Lift the options out onto a plate.
? Increase the heat, brown the pork (this might have to be done in 2 batches) Remove the pork from the pan and return the onions with 1-2 tbs red Thai curry paste and the flour. Stirring well, add the coconut milk, fish sauce, mushrooms, pepper and beans.
? Bring to the boil, cover and cook gently for about 5 minutes, until the pork and sauce are just boiling and the beans are cooked but still crunchy.
Just before serving, add the lime juice and zest, plus lots of parsley or coriander. taste for seasoning and serve with rice.
Scampi Provencal
This recipe has been in the family for years and adapted along the way.. here’s the current adaptation.
1 red pepper
1 green pepper
1 clove of garlic
1 onion
1 tablespoon tomato puree
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 tin chopped tomatoes
350g Prawns (I tend to use giant cooked prawns)
Method:
? Chop peppers, onion garlic and soften in a pan.
? Sprinkle in dried oregano, chopped basil and season with salt and pepper.
? Add the tin of tomatoes and prawns, mixing well, before adding the tomato puree.
? Pop the lid on and simmer for 10 or so minutes, until piping hot.
? Serve with rice and salad or Ciabatta bread.
The best bit – prepare ahead.
This recipe works really well hot or cold, so can be cooked ahead of time, simply reheating if required before serving. It also freezes well, so freeze once cooled and allow to defrost overnight.
Prawn Linguine – Jamie Oliver
This is a super easy supper recipe, it’s best prepared and served immediately.
350g Dried Linguine 1 Fresh red chilli (4 Anchovy Fillets – we don’t add these) 1 Good pinch of ground cinnamon 1 pinch of saffron 360 g raw peeled prawns 2 cloves of garlic 500g passata 1 Lemon 30g Parmesan Cheese A couple of sprigs of fresh basil
? Put the water for the pasta in a sauce pan on to boil.
? Finely chop the chilli and put in a deep frying pan with the anchovy (if using and some of it’s oil. Turn up the heat.
?Add the cinnamon, saffron and prawns.
? Squash in the unpeeled garlic with a garlic crusher, add the passata and bring to the boil.
? Strain the pasta when it is ready and add it to the sauce. Transfer to hot dishes to serve and add seasoning, lemon juice, grated parmesan and chopped basil leaves.
Serves it with a side salad and crusty bread. not open for the freezer but it’s super quick to make and tastes delicious..
Jools Chicken Curry – Jools Oliver
A super simple, yet delicious meal from Jools Oliver. We have cooked this again and again and has now been christened Mums Chicken Curry, sorry Jools!
Ingredients
1 onion
4cm piece of ginger
2 cloves of garlic
olive oil
2 tablespoons tikka masala paste
3 tablespoons natural yoghurt
2 tablespoons tomato purée
8 skinless free-range chicken thighs
1 x 400 g tin of chopped tomatoes
1 x 400 g tin of green lentils
1 x 400 g tin of light coconut milk
2 handfuls of baby spinach , optional
2 tablespoons quality mango chutney
Method
? Peel and slice the onion. Peel the ginger and garlic, then finely chop or grate them on a microplane.
? Heat a lug of oil in a large pan over a medium heat, add the onions and cook for around 8 minutes, or until softened and slightly golden, stirring regularly. Add the ginger and garlic cook for a further 2 minutes.
? Meanwhile, mix the tikka masala paste, yoghurt and tomato purée together in a bowl. Halve and add the chicken thighs to the bowl. Stir everything together and get all the chicken covered in the paste mixture.
? Scrape everything into the pan, making sure you get all the paste mixture in there. Cook the chicken for 5 minutes or so, or until you see it start to colour.
?Add the tinned tomatoes, drained lentils and coconut milk. Bring to the boil, reduce the heat and simmer for 1 hour, stirring occasionally. Add splashes of water to loosen, if needed.
? When the time’s up, stir in the spinach (if using) and allow it to wilt. Next add the mango chutney and taste for seasoning.
? Pull the chicken apart with forks and stir it through. Serve with wholemeal basmati rice and yoghurt on the side, if you like.
Tips
For babies and toddlers, leave out the seasoning. Allow to cool, then chop and/or mash to the desired consistency.
Italian Chicken – Mary Berry
A super simple, supper dish and yes.. it’s an adapted Mary Berry recipe and yes you can make in advance and freeze too!!
Ingredients:
123 chicken thighs, skin removed, bone in.
1-2 tablespoons olive oil
2 large onions, roughly chopped
2 large garlic cloves, crushed
2 tablespoons plain flour
300ml (1/2 pint) chicken stock
2 tablespoons white wine vinegar
190g olive and tomato sauce (such as Scala Olive & Tomato.
Freshly chopped parsley, lots!
Method:
? Season the chicken thighs with salt and pepper.
? Heat the oil in a large pan and fry the onions and garlic for a few minutes. cover with a lid and cook gently for about 20 minutes until the onions are tender.
? Sprinkle in the flour and mix well. Draw to one side and add the stock, stirring. Return to the heat and bring to the boil. Allow to thicken, adding the white wine vinegar, and season with salt and pepper.
? Add the chicken to the pan and bring back to the boil. Cover the pan and cook over a gentle heat for 20-30 minutes (turning the chicken once) until the chicken is tender. Cut into a thigh with a sharp knife to ensure juices run clear. If still bloody, continue to cook until juices run clear.
? Stir in the whole jar of the olive and tomato sauce and heat until piping hot. Check the seasoning. If the sauce is a little thick, add a little more stock or water.
? Scatter with fresh parsley and serve with basmati and wild rice or tagliatelle and a green salad.
The best bit – to Prepare ahead: Complete to the end of step 5,24 hours ahead. Cool quickly, cover and refrigerate. Reheat carefully, gently stirring, in a pan on the hob until piping hot. Or reheat in the oven preheated to 200C/ 400F / gasn6 for about 30 minutes. Add a little stock or water if the sauce is thick.
To freeze: Freezes well. Cool the cooked chicken quickly and freeze in a freezer container for up to 3 months. Thaw for about 6 hours at room temperature or overnight in the fridge.
To cook in the Aga: Cook the onions, covered, in the Simmering Oven for about 20-30 mins until tender. Use the boiling plate for stage 3. For stage 4, use the roasting oven for about 10 minutes, and then to the simmering oven for a further 10 minutes, or until chicken is cooked.
“If you have a family that loves you, a few good friends, food on your table and a roof over your head – you’re richer than you think.”
Mary Berry Cook Now, Eat Later – one of the first books I bought as a new Mum, closely followed by Real Food – Fast! I know we’ve only just packed away the Christmas Decorations, but in our house Christmas isn’t Christmas until Mary’s Christmas Collection makes an appearance! There are also some fabulous meals for that little extra special occasion too.
All these meals have all been big hit in our house and I really hope they’ll be a big success in your home too. Let me know which ones you try and which you”l be adding to your regular menu…
Today, I am going ask you to set a reminder to yourself to take one positive action a day and give yourself permission to check in on yourself each day – take just a few moments maybe whilst the kettle is boiling or whilst you clean your teeth…
There’s no doubt these last few months have been very strange, stressful, heartbreaking, unsettling and so much more.. I was delighted to have been asked by Nicky at InsideOut recently to share some thoughts about bringing a little positivity your way as part of her blog series, and so I thought I would share them with you too.
Firstly, how are you? Really?
We ask this question all the time but do we listen, truly and wholeheartedly to the answer? Both when we ask ourselves and when we ask others?
Do you ask yourself how you are and have regular checkins with yourself?
Charlie Mackesy has captured the nations hearts during the Pandemic, putting into words and images what many of us have felt..
I can almost hear you say, “I barely have time to catch my breath, let alone ask myself how I am and act on it!” It’s only natural to feel overwhelm, anxiety and utter distress, when we are faced with difficult situations; illness, job loss, financial difficulties – it’s exhausting, becomes your every thought and it’s possible to feel like you’re going to be stuck feeling like this forever..
What you are feeling, it WILL get better.
With some self nurturing and support from others, we can gradually change our thought patterns and in turn, slowly but surely, start to feel a little better..
“Believe there is a great power silently working all things for good, behave yourself and never mind the rest.”
Beatrix Potter
How can we start to shift that mindset? Lockdown, working from home, home schooling (or emergency schooling as I heard someone call it last week!) isn’t easy – we all know that – it’s busy! So I’m going to suggest focusing on achieving just ONE positive action a day.. just one.
Why?
By doing this, in turn, you’ll feel brighter, have more energy, sleep better and more importantly, feel better about yourself and the situation we are all in.. I’m not promising that by tomorrow morning, you’ll feel on top of the world, but day by day, step by step, small but intentional, positive actions will shift those patterns of thinking and overwhelm.
When you’re thinking about which positive actions to do, break it down into little areas and ask;
What one positive action can I take for my health today?
What one positive action can I take for my family, partner, children, work colleague or neighbour today?
What one positive action can I do for my garden today?
What one positive action can I do for my home today?
What one positive action can do I for ME today?
Mark Twain that said, “Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.
Mark Twain
Some ideas:
Put on your favourite track and turn it up loud! Sounds crazy I know, but music, can lift the mood and make us feel uplifted.
Plant some bulbs in a pot and enjoy watching them grow on your window sill. My snowdrops started peaking through a week or so ago and it really does make me feel that spring and lighter, warmer days are on the horizon.
Find a new walk where you live that you haven’t done before and commit to doing it at least once a week, rain or shine.
Do you have a room in your house that needs attention and despite Lockdown, you close the door and put off doing anything about it? (or is that just me!) Why not try a #powerofanhour or half an hour and get started? It’s not always fun to start, but often getting started is the hardest right? Read more about how beneficial the #powerofanhour is here.
When our bodies are stressed, the last thing it needs sometimes is additional stress, yet exercise can really help those feel good endorphins rise and that “YES! I did it!” factor of a workout (afterwards!) is great.. However, it’s not all about getting a “sweat on”, yoga, pilates or simply stretching for 10 minutes can also have great benefits too.
Journal – there are days that are fabulous and there are days that aren’t so, but try documenting down three things each day that you are grateful for. No matter how bad things are, there will always be something within your day that you can be grateful for (I don’t mean that patronisingly at all) Trust me I’ve had some pretty low days in my time and sometimes it’s only too easy to get stuck in a rut of negativity. Try this for a week, you’ll shift your state of mind and refocus your purpose.
There are hundreds of apps out there that can help you too including Headspace, Mind Detox and Gaia are all favourites of mine.
“Your now is not your forever”
I love this quote, its a reminder that the rubbish times and also the good times won’t last forever and that the way you are feeling right now shall also pass too.
I really hope these tips for bringing a little positivity to the situation we find ourselves in help you.
I’ve created some planners which I find really useful in keeping me focused and organised which you can find right here.
I hope they will give you a little inspiration so that you can create a feeling of being more in control and less overwhelmed so that you can concentrate on the things that are most important to you. I’d love to know which one is your favourite and which ones you’ll be trying out.
Feel free to share in the comments your thoughts and also what has helped you during the last 12 months.
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I thought I’d share some thoughts and ideas about sharing the love – not just to those you love but to YOU too!
Valentine’s Day, also called Saint Valentine’s Day or the Feast of Saint Valentine and is celebrated annually on February 14. It originated as a Western Christian Feast Day, honouring one or two early Christian martyrs named Saint Valentine and is recognised as a significant cultural, religious, and commercial celebration of romance and love in many regions of the world.
What do you traditionally do on Valentines Day? Go all out, with chocolates, flowers and a meal? Or ignore the whole event?
As a couple (seeing as my Birthday is the day before Valentines Day) we don’t usually have a big celebration on the 14th February! The teasing he got whenever we went out for a meal on the 13th “Getting the brownie points in early Sir??” or “Don’t blame you, going out the night before, much cheaper!!” were usual questions! Not annoying in the slightest!
We often think that Valentines Day is for the young lovers and some possibly would think this day is even a commercial gimmick but this year, I believe we could all do with a little more love and a little less worry, judgement, no huge gestures required – the pandaemic has changed so much of our lives and we appreciated the little things so much more, don’t you think?
Valentine’s Day in Finland, called ystävänpäivä which translates into “Friend’s Day”. As the name indicates, this day is more about remembering friends, not significant others.
So with this in mind, here are some thoughts that you could treat yourself, your partner or even your best friend, to let them know you are thinking of them and that you care x x
You know I’m an absolute lover of sending Happy Post, I adore finding new brands and I’ve found The Toasted Crumpet and more recently Hip hip Hooray and am so pleased I have. Why not use this opportunity to send a card to someone you’ve not seen for a while or pop a card in the post to arrive in your home? I love the idea and traditions from Finland and might introduce that this year and beyond. What do you think?
The simpler things in life are MUCH more appreciated.
Home Spa Day
Bubble Baths or Spa Days aren’t for everyone – sometimes I struggle to sit still too! A relaxing bath, add candles, a good book, maybe even a glass of something lovely…! Lock the door and enjoy a few moments peace! Remember to leave your phone outside!
I currently loving the idea of a creating home spa. A gorgeous bath, comfy clothes, maybe even a DIY manicure, body scrub or mini facial! They won’t break the bank, leaving you feel a million dollars!
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt”
Charles M Schulz
Enjoy the Great Outdoors
Fancy packing up a flask of hot chocolate and head out into the great outdoors for a romantic walk..? We are blessed with the coast and Dartmoor on our doorstep admittedly,
I love The Outdoor Guide, a free inspirational portal connecting all things outdoors.
The Outdoor Guide is “a place for people who love getting outdoors, lacing up a pair of muddy boots and discovering new walking routes in the great outdoors. We’re building a collection of the very best hill walks, mountain walks, woodland walks, lake walks, river walks, coastal walks, village walks, city walks and pub walks, taking take you right to the heart of the finest scenery in Britain.”
It’s a fabulous site to explore and plan your walks. I’m sure you’ll find some fabulous new ones you didn’t know were there!
If in doubt, treat yourself to a little Sparkle!
I’ve been a huge fan of Catherine D’Crovecoeur for quite some time and adore her new collection “Amour Toujours” (Love Always) launched just yesterday. £1 from each pair of earrings sold from the “Amour Toujours” collection will go to the Women’s Aid Charity, helping to keep women and children safe from domestic abuse.
A little message each day..
Esty have some fabulous gifts, supporting small business. Love this Mug I bought my husband last year, a funny little reminder each day!
I also love the idea of a Jar of Dates.. Scribble some ideas of dates where you and your nearest and dearest love to go and pop them in a jar.. WHEN Lockdown is finally over and we can head back into a little normality, take it it turns to pick a date from the jar and enjoy! A fun thing to do with the family too!
It goes without saying that may favourite gift of all time to give any day, let alone Valentine’s Day, would be the Gift of Life. As an Ambassador for the Blood Cancer Charity, DKMS, I’d love you to take a look at the various different ways you can get involved in supporting this fabulous Charity.
Registering as a Donor A blood cancer diagnosis is a shock and often marks the start of a race against time. For many patients, their only chance of survival is to find a matching blood stem cell donor, as fast as possible. That is why donor profiles with all the relevant information, along with the best possible processes, are so important. It costs DKMS £40 to register each new potential blood stem celldonor, but costs YOU nothing. Read more:
With Valentines Day in mind, how about ending a hand in the fight against blood cancer by hosting a virtual #LetsNailBloodCancer party!
The money you raise at your party will help DKMS register more donors who could be a match for a blood cancer patient in need. Host a virtual mani-pedicure party for family, friends and colleagues. Taking part is easy and fun! #LetsNailBloodcancer together.
I’m sure if we asked any parent who’s been home schooling, working at home or a key worker – (in fact anyone!) these last few months what they’d love most, I’m sure a lie-in, time to read their favourite book or watch their favourite episode without interruption would feature quite readily on the list! I know it’s on mine!
The Gift of Time is precious and cost nothing! The world doesn’t always have to turn at a million miles an hour, agreed it is hard to get off the treadmill of life at times! Use this day to treat yourself or those in your household, the 14th February is a Sunday after all!
So many ideas about how you might do things a little differently this year.. I’d love to know what little things you might do to show your loved ones you care this Valentines and especially the little things to love YOU?
Wishing you a Happy forthcoming Valentines Day or as they say in Finland ystävänpäivä (Friends Day)
When did you last have a proper Digital Detox..? I don’t mean time away from your phone, although it is good to reduce screen time, but I mean in the sense of decluttering the ‘stuff`’ that builds up on our laptops, phone, address books and so on..
During this difficult time of lockdown there is inevitably a lot of people feeling anxious, overwhelmed and ultimately perhaps even unhappy. In this series of blogs this month, I’m sharing my thoughts with you on how to remove the things in life that aren’t serving us, in order to move forwards and (In case you missed a previous blog asking what you’re letting go of in 2021, you’ll find it here.)
During Lockdown, many of us had a good old declutter of our homes and this week I’m sharing that it’s very therapeutic to do the same with our digital lives too. By doing so, we will spend less time searching for photos to use on our blogs or social media, less time looking for that password, and everything will work more efficiently.. even you!
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes… even you”
Anne Lamott
I’m an old fashioned girl and those that know me will know that I’m a huge fan of stationary, planners and sending cards or happy post as I like to call it! It’s always so lovely to receive a card in the post rather than that ominous white envelope right?
When did you last update your address book?
Do you go to it like I did leading up to Christmas and find that several addresses have been changed, maybe not once, but two or three times! Or maybe even (also like me) several pieces of paper or an old Christmas card fell out with a new change of address notice… yes? Then time, to declutter that address book and renew.. everything will be fresh and clear, saving you time! A lovely thing to do on a Sunday afternoon.
When did you last do a health check on your computer or lap top?
It’s open of those jobs that used to terrify me as I’d think I’ll lose everything but it really is essential so that it works much more efficiently. If there is a problem with the health of your computer, it can be diagnosed and addressed it before a parts failure or more serious fault occurs. This includes checks for viruses or spyware, which can lead to data corruption, identity fraud, and theft. Scary huh??
I have started using Clean My Mac recently and love it.. It’s fast, super efficient and has freed up lots of space that was slowing things down. It also removes apps that you no longer use and so much more!
When was the last time you decluttered your Notes on your phone?
I love my the notes app on my phone, especially during the days we were allowed to leave the house! If a moment of inspiration hit me, out came my notes and I’d pop it down for when I got home or when I was next writing.
However, they can quickly mount up and spending just a few moments, whilst the kettle boils or your bath runs, to edit and delete the ones that are no longer required or serve you, will free up so much space both on your phone and head space too!
Use this time to create new folders so that the speed in which you find your wise words is quicker rather than endless scrolling.. One of those jobs that you think, “yep, I’ll do that” but it does make so much difference and guess what your screen time will be reduced too! Winning!
Decluttering your Digital life will allow you more time for things you really enjoy.
These are a few ideas to get you started on your Digital Detox. Here are a couple of others that I have planned through the coming months..
Messages; both on my phone, WhatsApp and various other platforms that I receive messages. I have several that I mean to delete that’s taking up space, how about you? now I’ve shared that little gem with you, I’m going to be popping that little task to do over the next week rather than scrolling. Will you be joining me?
Photographs.. hands up if you have zillions on your phone? I’m not even going to share how many I have! Many are duplicates I’m sure. Some need deleting, some need printing and for certain, there are many that need fitting in albums so they are easy to reach and at my finger tips should I need to find them.
One app that we have loved using this year is Photobooks and it’s sister FreePrints. The phonebooks make fabulous gifts and are really easy to organise (even easier when you know exactly which photos are where!) We’ve organised a few this year and not only is it lots of fun deciding which to choose but so lovely to have them in a book also. It’s like the modern day photo album!
The Freeprints are also fantastic, again very quick and easy to use. My daughter and I had lots of fun creating a photocell of all her favourite images during her room makeover in Lockdown 1.
If all this seems overwhelming, it’s okay. Bit by bit, little by little, day by day just attempt ONE thing.. You don’t have to do it all now! Pick one this week and see how you get on. You might be inspired to do more, you might even be inspired to schedule a Digital Detox in each month.
“Go for a walk outdoors.
Reconnect with the feeling of the wind blowing through your hair.
Listen to the birds that live in a tree in your yard.
Watch the sunset.
Take time to smell the flowers that bloom in the park during the summer.
The natural world is just as natural as it ever was, except there’s less of it than there was twenty-five years ago – and most of us don’t make a point of enjoying it often enough.”
Skye Alexander, Award-winning author
I really hope these tips for bringing a little positivity to the situation we find ourselves in help you.
I’ve created some planners which I find really useful in keeping me focused and organised which you can find on the Organisation page.
Weekly Planner Daily Planner Meal and Shopping Planner
I hope they will give you a little inspiration so that you can create a feeling of being more in control and less overwhelmed so that you can concentrate on the things that are most important to you. I’d love to know which one is your favourite and which ones you’ll be trying out.
Feel free to share in the comments your thoughts and also what has helped you during the last 12 months.
Traditionally, we all tend to make New Years Resolutions or new plans at this time of year. I really hope we can all be happy, healthy and safe in 2021 and as we adjust to this new life, not to be too hard on ourselves..
This is the first in a series of blogs focusing on using this crazy time during Lockdown to do just that.. This year more than ever, I firmly believe we need to remove “stuff” from our plate that doesn’t serve us, before we start adding more things on. Therefore, giving us more head space and less stress to concentrate on the things that bring us true joy.
In this first blog, I’m asking “what are you letting go of in 2021?” We all talk about being kind to one another and ourselves but when you dial in deeper, what does that really mean?
What does that look like in your day to day life?
I’d love you to grab your journal or notebook, a drink and set a few of moments aside to consider these two questions:
What are you willing to do to ensure you really do look after yourself wholeheartedly this year and beyond?
What are you planning on letting go of this year to make sure that happens?
Don’t worry.. at first you might look at these questions blankly and wonder how to answer. That’s totally OK, it doesn’t have to make sense, you don’t have to know how to get there right now. However by opening the mind, spending a few moments in the quiet, letting your thoughts run free, write the things that first come into your head… Forget punctuation, spelling etc – let that pen run freely across the page.
Then ask yourself the questions again.
The first question, about looking after yourself in a kinder way, might be easier to respond to…
The second question I suspect maybe a little trickier.
One of the emotions I work with in my role as lifestyle and wellbeing coach is resentment. Resentment, along with feeling hurt, especially in relation to letting go of toxic friendships that have built up over time. They are a huge self-limiter on our general feelings of happiness and contentment.
Letting go isn’t just a case of ‘giving it time.’ It can be one of the hardest things ever, because it can often feel protective in the sense of constantly reminding you never to put yourself in a position to be so hurt again.
The Power of Letting go is so therapeutic. It’s not easy, it takes practise. You’ll begin to release emotions and stresses that you have got used to holding onto, maybe as you didn’t know how to let go OR were too worried about about the consequences of doing so. Trust me, you will start to feel so much lighter and more in control as you work on this.
With the second question in mind, yesterday I asked on my Instagram ” Has the pandemic affected your friendships? If so, how?”
These were just some of the responses:
“I’ve realised I don’t like a couple of my friends, constantly sending conspiracy links..”
“There are less frequent trips to the pub, but other than that, my friendships haven’t changed hugely. They’ll still be there when the world gets back to normal”
“Some friends just disappeared now that I can’t drive them around or babysit their kids. So sad how some people form friendships for their own interests, but have also found new lovely friends who are just amazing”
“Yes….I feel connected more to some and others who, looking back, were toxic I have let go …feels good x”
“Life is always so busy that we rarely have time to meet so chatting on the phone has become the norm, in fact FaceTime video has been the norm over the past few years for me.”
“Friendships have grown stronger during the Pandemic, I speak to my best friend everyday x”
“Some friendships have grown stronger. I have realised the friends who are actually really there during the tough times”
“My friends have always been really important to me, but they’ve become even more so during these times”
“Yes! I’m much more in contact with those who matter digitally”
“In short yes. I have become much closer with my good friends and, with a couple, we have really reconnected. I feel like my friendship groups have re-centred too. Before, I spent most of my time with school mums because we saw each other daily. Over lockdown it was my ‘lifelong’ friends I spent most time with (virtually speaking). Some of my wider friendship groups have waned to the point where we don’t even really say hello anymore. xxx”
“Yes! When friendship fall below our expectations it is always hard. I have suffered from those over the years. I try to view those experiences as areas of self growth ( even if painful) I now do not prioritise friendships over family, before I would juggle the family to fit in friends and I believe that this is right ( unless an emergency) and I also realise the value of my friendship, I am very loyal and true and my kindness has been exploited by others in the past. I am now more wary of whom deserves my time.”
Fascinating isn’t it? I haven’t shared all the responses, but the general feeling was that
1) The friendships that were important and mattered, had become much stronger.
2) Those friendships that were causing frustration before or during the pandemic had become weaker or non-existent.
My granny always said to me from a very young age “treat others how you wish to be treated and all will be well!” Sadly as we all know this isn’t always the case. Yes, I’ve been hurt too and remember a time last year, when someone I considered a friend was going through a really tough time. I shared empathy and kindness, checking in from time to time to ensure they were OK and that I was thinking of them. Yet this was greeted as if my actions were being the opposite, in turn, she has decided she no longer wished to have my friendship and has erased me from her life. It was just horrid, has made me very sad, affecting my self-worth. I questioned my beliefs, moral compass and true values. Life isn’t always easy huh?
I wonder if any of this resonates with you? If you feel that you can relate to any one of the comments above or my experience, know that you are not on your own..
Having reflected lots and moved on, I feel SO much happier.. Sad that it happened at all, but again, wise words from my granny “it’s better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.” Yes, I faltered, I questioned myself but on reflection, it’s okay to be ME! Not everyone is the same or shares the same values and you know what? That’s okay.
I truly value my friendships, being immensely loyal, I’ll always have your back. If you choose to confide in me, you can be sure it won’t go anywhere, I’ll always be true (once a nurse, always a nurse!) I love these quotes by Sylvester McNutt and Brene brown, they have certainly helped me during this time:
May you attract the type of friends who are going to hold you to a higher standard.
May you create the space for others who love you, but who won’t allow you to settle for less than you deserve”
Sylvester McNutt
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. Only when we believe, deep down, that we are enough can we say “Enough!”
Brene Brown.
So how DO we create boundaries around our friendships or find the Power to Let Go of things in our lives that no longer serve us or make us happy?
Here are my thoughts:
Setting Boundaries around what is acceptable and what isn’t..
Have an open and transparent conversation if you can. Come to the conversation with good heart, good intention and empathy.
Journal – openly and honestly. Please don’t keep your feelings caught up inside.
Practice – saying no! It doesn’t have to be no, full stop. Try ” thank you for thinking of me, I’m unable to help this time but do consider mew in the future”
Don’t wait for ‘time’ to heal. Be proactive in letting it go, be kind to yourself. You are worthy and enough.
Surround yourself with positive people who bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart.
It’s not possible to go back in time and fix a bad childhood, but with love, trust and understanding, it IS possible to fix a failing friendship, IF and only IF that’s what both want. “Your past does not equal your future.” Tony Robbins.
It’s important to remember that YOUR boundaries are important with all relationships: at work, at home and with your friendships and I believe certainly even more so during the last 12 months, going into 2021 and beyond.
Healthy relationships are based on mutuality and require boundaries and trust.
Toxic relationships are the ones where we feel as though we have just been run over or drained.
These relationships often leave us feeling undermined or devalued. Our job is to uphold our boundaries.”
Brene Brown.
It is also key to remember that this is a crazy time! We are all out of sorts..
We can be distracted, certainly in our own little bubbles, simply trying to do the best we can on a day by day basis. We all know many friends and family members that have lots going on behind the scenes, be very busy just trying to juggle life, work, home schooling etc. It doesn’t always mean that person is rejecting you as a person or doesn’t want to spend time with you anymore…
If you are no longer hearing from a friend, consider why? Maybe they are having a really bad time and just need someone to reach out to them, as they are struggling to pick up the phone and call you. Perhaps they misread or misinterpreted something you’ve said or texted. It’s okay to reach out and ask.. You’re friends after all right?
Let me remind you of those two questions again:
What are you willing to do to ensure you really do look after yourself wholeheartedly this year and beyond?
What are you planning on letting go of this year to make sure that happens?
Go back to your initial thoughts you wrote down. How do you feel? Has anything changed?
Every day is a new day, a chance to make new choices. Learning how to move on from experiences and situations of the past, means you’ll have so much more energy to focus on the things that truly make you happy and not the negative energy that brings you down. You can’t take back an unhealthy relationship, but you can learn from it.
I really hope this has helped you, I’d love to know your biggest take home / lightbulb moment in the comments below, together with how you’ll take action this week.
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Wishing you a very happy and healthy week ahead,
Love
PS If you are struggling with the January Blues, check out the blog I wrote last year which might help you -> CLICK HERE
Put on your favourite track and turn it up loud! Sounds crazy I know, but music, can lift the mood and make us feel uplifted.
